And on the third day, I absolved myself.

Okay, I have a minor confession: I kind of cheated. Yesterday I came back into the office to find a full-size Hershey bar sitting on my desk, compliments of Irma. I initially told myself that eating this bar of delicious goodness would be breaking my word, and since I didn't exactly read all the fine print of the Food Stamp Challenge pledge I'm not entirely sure what my punishment would be (do five hail FSNE's?). So for my cheating, I apologize. Moving on.

Trish and I were just talking about different things we've learned so far (yes, 3.5 days in and we're already learning!) and it's been interesting to compare what I THOUGHT I would learn with what I'm ACTUALLY learning. For instance, I really thought I would be hungry, and I haven't been. At all. What I have felt so far is powerless, a loss of personal freedom, and that's been the hardest part. It's remarkable to me how much I've used food as a sort of reward system without really consciously doing so. For example, "Hey, I just did my laundry! Time for a coke." Or "Hey, I just filed my tax return! Clearly I deserve a cookie for exhibiting such adult behavior." Now it's "Hey, I just cleaned the kitchen! Time for...um...a baked potato with some salt." Mmmm. 

 

Similarly, last night some friends wanted to go out to eat. And, even though it was dollar taco night at Don Juan's, I did not budget for dollar taco night so I couldn't go. And it's not that this is impossibly frustrating to me right now, but I've been thinking about this experience in larger terms. Because for me, that's all this is right now: an experience. But for a lot of people out there, this is reality. This is their day-to-day existence with no foreseeable sight in end. 

I can't imagine how that reality must weigh on them, but I'm trying.